Posts
Life is moving. good or bad? I am not sure but I do feel movement and I am hoping it is forward. I see around me changes and smell it in the air. There is something in the near future and it is lingering out there taunting me as if I am a child playing hide and seek from the boggie man. However I am not the one hiding.
In the distance I hear his sounds, a crash of the market here, a laugh of disgrace there. Yet I move forward looking trying to seek out the face of this illusive tease. Not sure what I will find and not sure why I am looking.
Around me I see houses foreclosing and employment failing. I see men with their backs breaking under the weight that is placed upon them as if they themselves are Atlas and have been called upon to suspend the world.
Yet there is the soft hope that if the boggie man is found this childish game will be over. The game that we have been thrown into. So with every step forward into darkness of uncertainty there is that hope that that hidden culprit will be found and his arrogant sounds might be stifled by the fear of being discovered.
The world provides several distractions and hiding place for the mischievous boggie man. But he will be found and we will return to the laughing of children, the hopes of teenagers and the dreams of old age. When it is all over I hope to be able to see you and you will still call me brother.
Peace be with us all, let the night not be so long and when the day brakes let us enjoy it more thoroughly than days gone by.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
from my phone
the world is an amazing place. here i sit tried to my phone in awe that i am posting on the internet. i can keep in touch were ever that i am which i am not sure is a good thing due to the fact that i can now work what ever my excuse.
Monday, July 28, 2008
One Year
Cars pass by, even flies pass by but I never suspected for time to pass by after my father passed by. Though I am not currently wearing a watch with a calendar and I am to lazy to find the icon on my phone to check the exact date the seasons around me are trying to convince me that a year has passed since the rainy night came and collected my father for one last journey.
In these 365 days I wonder what changes have occurred in my life. It takes one year to grow an asparagus crown, SpongeBob square pants 33 minute “Atlantis SquarePantis,” took a year to produce, Zeon won it's independence when they signed a treaty with the earth alliance after the 1 year war (not sure what that is but I am sure there is someone out there that speaks perfect Zeonolain and is discussed with the flippant way I referred to this struggle in the Universal Century). My point is many great things have occurred in one year and as I look at the reflection of myself in the glow of my computer screen I see no changes that have occurred in me over the past 31449600 seconds of my life.
I remember as a boy a punishment that I received often was that I was placed in front of our yellow oven which had a clock on it. The punishment was to watch that clock from 5min to 60min what ever the misdeed we participated in required for our full remorse and forgiveness. I would sit and watch that clock and the only thing that really changes was the numbers on the clock. No new boy with new determination jumped up from that chair. No it was still the same mischievous boy that was about an hour older with about an hour of new ideas on how to get into trouble. At times I fell the same way. Though I am a few years older and I am sure that oven is long gone by now the principle is still there. Time has passed and I question am I any better for it?
Well enough as my mind is circling around in despair and discouragement thinking that I am still just allowing life to happen and not making the most of it. I hope in the 3 min you have sat reading this that somewhere inside of you a change has occurred and you are just not 3 min older.
In these 365 days I wonder what changes have occurred in my life. It takes one year to grow an asparagus crown, SpongeBob square pants 33 minute “Atlantis SquarePantis,” took a year to produce, Zeon won it's independence when they signed a treaty with the earth alliance after the 1 year war (not sure what that is but I am sure there is someone out there that speaks perfect Zeonolain and is discussed with the flippant way I referred to this struggle in the Universal Century). My point is many great things have occurred in one year and as I look at the reflection of myself in the glow of my computer screen I see no changes that have occurred in me over the past 31449600 seconds of my life.
I remember as a boy a punishment that I received often was that I was placed in front of our yellow oven which had a clock on it. The punishment was to watch that clock from 5min to 60min what ever the misdeed we participated in required for our full remorse and forgiveness. I would sit and watch that clock and the only thing that really changes was the numbers on the clock. No new boy with new determination jumped up from that chair. No it was still the same mischievous boy that was about an hour older with about an hour of new ideas on how to get into trouble. At times I fell the same way. Though I am a few years older and I am sure that oven is long gone by now the principle is still there. Time has passed and I question am I any better for it?
Well enough as my mind is circling around in despair and discouragement thinking that I am still just allowing life to happen and not making the most of it. I hope in the 3 min you have sat reading this that somewhere inside of you a change has occurred and you are just not 3 min older.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Back on Task
Ok here I am back on task on sharing you the inside life of one without much substance while trying to fool you and myself into believing that there is something of substance somewhere in the life that I call mine.
My earliest memory that plays in the HDM ( High Def Memory...Which is an upgrade from the last years model but seems not to hold much as the years go on) is that of the Family Home Evening that was made especially for me at the ripe old age of 3 1/2 on obeying the law of Chastity. A much needed lesson for a young child such as myself that you could say was caught with his pants down learning the finer difference between male and female through a special human anatomy class held by my young red headed neighbor. Needless to say I don't remember the lesson nor do I remember the private tutoring , but I do remember the feeling of fear that I felt as I realized that the class was cut short do to parental interaction.
My earliest memory that plays in the HDM ( High Def Memory...Which is an upgrade from the last years model but seems not to hold much as the years go on) is that of the Family Home Evening that was made especially for me at the ripe old age of 3 1/2 on obeying the law of Chastity. A much needed lesson for a young child such as myself that you could say was caught with his pants down learning the finer difference between male and female through a special human anatomy class held by my young red headed neighbor. Needless to say I don't remember the lesson nor do I remember the private tutoring , but I do remember the feeling of fear that I felt as I realized that the class was cut short do to parental interaction.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The Mind is Not Empty Yet
My mind has been swimming in a pool of thoughts for the last little bit...Swimming might be the wrong term as it sounds like I am in control of the movement of my mind. Rather I am drowning in my thoughts and convulsing about trying to grab some substance that will hold my attention in hopes to pull myself out of the pool on to dry ground were I can stand and at least look around and gain some sort of bearing before the tide rises and lapping over my feet only in time to crashing over my head once again. Hoping to get a breath or at least a rest before it is time to dog paddle again.
Work once again is go through hard times. They have sold the company and several people will have no job coming December 31, 2007. The hand of providence rests above me once again as I am blessed to be spared. At times I feel I am some sort of pawn running a square at a time form the vast mobility of the Queen. Hoping I will be over-looked for the restriction of my moves till I am crowned as I reach the other side of the board. Others pawns that I move with , in this game of chess, were not so fortunate as their hand of providence was turned and fell up on them removing them from this particular board. Hopefully they will be placed upon another board in which there movements might take them to a higher status.
How quick life changes from one moment to the other. I am not sure what changes more frequent...My train of thought or the road of life. I would have to say that it is the road of life that pulls the lever to switch the tracks on which my thoughts run.
This holiday season is very emotional for me as I am at a great loss. This is the first Christmas with-out my father. Some times my mind stops at this particular memory station in which I relive the last year, days and moments before my dad passed. I will stop there but only for a brief time as I can never stay to long. Those thoughts bring with it a pain that I am not excited about investigating. So until a latter date it will have to be sufficient to only say, "I miss that MAN!!!"
Work once again is go through hard times. They have sold the company and several people will have no job coming December 31, 2007. The hand of providence rests above me once again as I am blessed to be spared. At times I feel I am some sort of pawn running a square at a time form the vast mobility of the Queen. Hoping I will be over-looked for the restriction of my moves till I am crowned as I reach the other side of the board. Others pawns that I move with , in this game of chess, were not so fortunate as their hand of providence was turned and fell up on them removing them from this particular board. Hopefully they will be placed upon another board in which there movements might take them to a higher status.
How quick life changes from one moment to the other. I am not sure what changes more frequent...My train of thought or the road of life. I would have to say that it is the road of life that pulls the lever to switch the tracks on which my thoughts run.
This holiday season is very emotional for me as I am at a great loss. This is the first Christmas with-out my father. Some times my mind stops at this particular memory station in which I relive the last year, days and moments before my dad passed. I will stop there but only for a brief time as I can never stay to long. Those thoughts bring with it a pain that I am not excited about investigating. So until a latter date it will have to be sufficient to only say, "I miss that MAN!!!"
Monday, December 3, 2007
The day that changed the world.
Who would have thought that on the monumental day that President Nixon left Washington DC for China that the world would change by the time that he returned home. On that day, February 17, 1972 (I can not recall the precise time, as I had not had the opportunity or the finances to purchase a time gauge) a small reincarnated fly, a creature in which his minute into existence was a minute closer to his demise, or a child of God draped in a mortal robe on a pathway of eternity came into the world. The world would be changed from that point forward.
Memories of my first steps, my first word and any other first that I had (well besides the first kiss I had with my little redhead neighbor in Page Arizona) are not retained in this empty mind of mine and can not be pull out for your simple amusement. Though those first years are not even a blur to me I hope you do not stop reading here and entice you to read further as you continue to walk the path of adolescence with me. ( a path that I am accused of still walking).
Memories of my first steps, my first word and any other first that I had (well besides the first kiss I had with my little redhead neighbor in Page Arizona) are not retained in this empty mind of mine and can not be pull out for your simple amusement. Though those first years are not even a blur to me I hope you do not stop reading here and entice you to read further as you continue to walk the path of adolescence with me. ( a path that I am accused of still walking).
Friday, November 30, 2007
The First Step
I am Jared Scott Ballard and I have an empty mind. Now with that out of the way I can move forward with my pursuit of keeping my mind empty. Any thoughts that I have competing for attention up in that cranium of mine will soon be removed and place in black and white here, right here on this screen that is projecting light in that dark room of yours. By doing this I hope I will not find myself in time curled up in the fetal position in my closet chanting some mumbo-jumbo about the mysteries of life and the end of the world.
For most life is just a thing that we go through a process that will come to an end. For some when life ends existence ends, yet for others a new life as a horse, of a fly or even a horse fly begins and we continue to be reincarnated into many wonderful things and experience many different opportunities. To me well... I am a God fearing man and we will leave it at that. But what-ever way you look at it we all have this life to get through whether you like it or not.
In my time I have seen new life given and old life taken, I have seen people struggle to stay alive and others flippantly take their lives, I have seen sad faces with happy news and have seen happy faces with sad news, I have seen women cherish their husbands and husbands cherishing themselves, I have seen happy grown men cry and have seen sad men laugh. I have seen the lives being built by love and have seen lives being destroyed by hate. For everything I have seen I have also seen its opposite. The good and the bad, Prince Charming and Quasimodo, sinner and saint.
The life that I live now has all of its opposites and like a ship in the night I must navigate the best I can to maneuver around the rocky obstacles of life. Some rock will mar me and some might block me while others might sink me. Up to this point in my life I have been marred, blocked and my ship as even leaked.
So here I sit now fingers positioned over the keys that will spell out all of my lives journeys up to this point and follow me through out the "Days of My Life" or "Days of My Lives" if you fall on the reincarnation side of the twelve sided coin.
For most life is just a thing that we go through a process that will come to an end. For some when life ends existence ends, yet for others a new life as a horse, of a fly or even a horse fly begins and we continue to be reincarnated into many wonderful things and experience many different opportunities. To me well... I am a God fearing man and we will leave it at that. But what-ever way you look at it we all have this life to get through whether you like it or not.
In my time I have seen new life given and old life taken, I have seen people struggle to stay alive and others flippantly take their lives, I have seen sad faces with happy news and have seen happy faces with sad news, I have seen women cherish their husbands and husbands cherishing themselves, I have seen happy grown men cry and have seen sad men laugh. I have seen the lives being built by love and have seen lives being destroyed by hate. For everything I have seen I have also seen its opposite. The good and the bad, Prince Charming and Quasimodo, sinner and saint.
The life that I live now has all of its opposites and like a ship in the night I must navigate the best I can to maneuver around the rocky obstacles of life. Some rock will mar me and some might block me while others might sink me. Up to this point in my life I have been marred, blocked and my ship as even leaked.
So here I sit now fingers positioned over the keys that will spell out all of my lives journeys up to this point and follow me through out the "Days of My Life" or "Days of My Lives" if you fall on the reincarnation side of the twelve sided coin.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)